What's Great About Chronic Fatigue Syndrome?

In case you haven't already heard, I've been suffering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) for almost 5 years. Goddam yuppie flu. I would have thought that was long enough for you to pick up on; but perhaps not. Now when I say “suffering”, the gurus tell me that suffering is all in the mind; it's just a matter of how you look at things. If you want to alleviate your suffering, all you have to do is express gratitude for the positive side. That sort of talk generally just makes me angry. Play this repeatedly for at least an hour to get an idea of what it's like:

But maybe the gurus are onto something. If I can't actually feel better, maybe I can feel better about it. So after skydiving into the CFS cloud in search of it's silver lining, here's what I've come up with about What's Great About Chronic Fatigue Syndrome:

  • The days when you don't have a screaming headache.
  • World's best excuse to sleep in.
  • You lose contact with all your friends; including the really annoying ones.
  • You get to watch people's eyes glaze over when you answer “How are you?” honestly.
  • … either that or you just learn to lie really convincingly.
  • All those “really big” problems you thought you had struggled with in the past take on a refreshing new perspective.
  • Great opportunity for a spiritual quest to answer the question: “If I am not what I do, who am I?”, … given that you can now do fuck all.
  • The concept “hopelessness” takes on a richer, deeper meaning than ever before.
  • You realise all the things you would love to do with your life, now that you can't.
  • You get really good at lying down. Really good.
  • You learn fun new facts about glands you previously weren't interested in like the amygdale, hypothalamus, pituitary and adrenals.
  • You get to try health supplements you never knew existed.
  • You feel fortunate that you don't also have the chronic pain of fibromyalgia.
  • While you used to hate exercise, now you'd love to be able to do it.
  • Endless material for your new blog on the meaning of suffering.
  • You no longer need to train for that marathon.
  • Your life goals become clearer and more focused: “Get through day, and back to bed”.
  • You get to explore lots of fun new “therapies” like shouting “Stop Stop Stop!” to yourself, spinning around, applying keys, cross-referencing your emotions and symptoms, shaking like a tiger, and more!
  • You learn just how exciting the world of meditation is, after learning at least 10 different styles.
  • There are an endless variety of elimination diets to try.
  • You realise just how much you really used to love chocolate, after giving up sugar and everything it's in.
  • You finally learn to just relax.
  • At least it's not cancer.

About Graham

I combine trauma awareness, emotional healing and comedy to heal painful events from your past, so you can live a future life you love; and have fun doing it.
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6 Responses to What's Great About Chronic Fatigue Syndrome?

  1. Christine says:

    Hi Graham, you made my day! Just great and so (bitterly) true.

  2. Nick says:

    Good parking spaces.

  3. K says:

    I keep thinking about how I'd love if it were cancer. At least they seem to get some fucking support and treatment.

    After 16 months in which I've seen two family members get diagnosed and treated for cancer, I'm getting a bit sick of concerned loved ones asking if I'm determined to be a loser for the rest of my life.

  4. Emily Bignell says:

    Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. Over 10 years of ME myself. I'm going to try to repost on my Facebook page & of course give you credit. You make me proud to share this illness with you.

  5. stanley zantarski says:

    ha ha. really good stuff. my hats off to you

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