Tag Archives: Shame

What To Do When Social And Traditional Media Mocks You

I was on the way home from college last week feeling very tired and irritable as I lugged my acoustic guitar, case & backpack from train to bus after an intense day of musical collaboration. As my mind drifted through the things that have irritated me recently, I remembered a recent experience on the morning bus. In a misguided attempt to get it off my chest I posted the following message about it on the Bondi Local Loop Facebook group, which at the time had over 42,000 local members:

To the lady who abused me on the packed 389 from North Bondi the other morning as she alighted at Bondi Junction by shouting: "I hope your bag enjoyed the seat, you fucking prick": I would have preferred you to ask me politely to please move over during the trip if you wanted the seat. That would have given me Continue reading…

Posted in Anger | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Phobia Shaming

The disturbing recent trend among social justice warriors to attribute any attitude or behaviour that they don't like in other people as if it resulted from a diagnosable mental illness. Examples include the pejorative use of labels such as homophobia and Islamophobia.

Shaming people for their fears is shameful

Shaming people for their fears is shameful

The implication is that sufferers of such "phobias" are weak, inferior people who should simply change their attitude by snapping out of their irrational fear.

This is demeaning to people who suffer from actual phobias, which in fact are no easier to fix, improve or change than a person's sexual orientation or deeply held religious beliefs.… Continue reading…

Posted in Mindset | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Path of Love

I went to Path of Love hoping that it would help me deal with a constant feeling of mild anxiety that I was experiencing. Whenever I wasn't engrossed in some activity, I felt anxious and I just couldn't seem to shake it.

David Guetta's "When Love Takes Over" (Featuring Kelly Rowland) always reminds me of my Path of Love Experience. Play it as you read along:

There were some obvious contributing factors: I had been ill with Chronic Fatigue for over two years, and although I was gradually recovering, my limited energy and feeling constantly unwell for such a long time was a constant source of frustration. I was also lacking direction generally: it had been about six years since I'd had a full-time job, and I was unsure how to find a new vocation earning money doing something that I loved again, especially with the added burden of illness. … Continue reading…

Posted in Emotions | Tagged , , , , , | 18 Comments

The Dance of Fear by Harriet Lerner

The main thing I got from this book is that fear and anxiety aren't just individual problems; they totally affect the way we relate with each other. Anxiety is contagious and gets passed around between us whenever we interact with anxious people. Families, companies, organisations, churches, countries and social groups of all kinds can become infected with anxiety that affects everyone in the group. When a social system becomes fear-based or shame-based, everyone in it suffers.

Since anxiety causes suffering, we naturally want to escape. One way of escaping is to dump our anxiety on someone else. Being a sensitive person, I've always been susceptible to having other people's anxiety dumped on me, but it's only now that I'm learning to recognise when this is happening.

This book helped me identify such a situation recently when I volunteered to lead a public speaking training course run by my Toastmaster's … Continue reading…

Posted in Emotions | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Escaping Toxic Guilt by Susan Carrell

Five Proven Steps to Free Yourself from Guilt for Good!

I came across this book while scouring the library shelves for something on topic of dealing with shame. Guilt and shame are close relatives. This book defines guilt as feeling bad about something you've done, and shame as feeling bad about who you are. Hmm... I could relate to that.

Firstly the book distinguishes between good guilt, which reminds us when we've violated one of our own personal values and prompts us to make amends or to act differently next time; and bad guilt, where somebody else's agenda is at work causing us to suffer unnecessarily or to fall under their controlling influence.

In the second section, the author outlines some common guilt-inducing situations, like relationship break-ups, divorces, and dramas over where we will have Christmas or Thanksgiving this year.

Then once you've identified your guilt as unhelpful and … Continue reading…

Posted in Emotions | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Shame

I recognize shame in myself as the fear of what other people think about me. While many people feel shameful about a specific event that has happened to them or something they've done in the past, for me it's more a general fear of what other people are thinking based on my own feelings of unworthiness. It makes me feel self-conscious, restricts my movements and actions, leaving me feeling trapped. It's common for many people to feel a sense of shame about themselves. At an anger management workshop I recently attended, I felt free to dance uninhibitedly at the end while I noticed the girl next to me being much more constricted. Healing shame is a process, and she was slowly releasing her inhibitions as she was making progress. Shame is still one of my main areas of frustration with myself, but I have come a long way when it … Continue reading…

Posted in Emotions | Tagged , , | Leave a comment