Fifty Things I Learned About Women From Fifty Shades Of Grey

My previous work as a Confidence Coach helping men to relate better to women required me to keep my fingers abreast of the ever-changing world of the modern female psyche. With this in mind, I recently read the phenomenally successful Fifty Shades Of Grey.

Why

Why "Fifty Shades", anyway?

Literary critics have been quite scathing about the quality of the writing in the book, but to me that's a bit like criticising the cinematography in Debbie Does Dallas.

While the depiction of the female anti-hero in the book may not represent or be typical of many modern women, it has clearly struck a nerve of some kind given it's legendary best-seller status amongst its mostly-female readership.

However, it is a bit of a tedious read if you happen to be a man. So, to save my fellow men from having to thumb their way through 514 pages of … Continue reading…

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I Posted This Article On My Blog. You Won't BELIEVE What Happened Next...

This morning, I wrote this trite, pointless article with no socially redeeming value whatsoever, that makes broad sweeping generalisations and insults an entire demographic of people I've never even met before, just so that I can claim the moral high ground.

The Sexy Girl Isn't Actually Naked. Sorry, I Lied.

The Sexy Girl Isn't Actually Naked. Sorry, I Lied.

It makes no contribution to humanity. It's real purpose is just to get you to visit my site so that you will subscribe to the newsletter and click on my advertisements.

Then, I attached a stock photo of a sexy naked girl, with no relevance to the actual content of the article as a featured image, just to make you think that the article would be visually appealing.

Then, I posted it on my blog with a formulaic, sensationalist headline as click bait.

You won't believe what happened next:

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How To Stand Out At Kirtan

I went along to my local Kirtan the other night. Just in case you don't know what Kirtan is, it's kind of like an uber-relaxed Hindu version of church: Everyone sits around on the floor while a guy with a guitar leads us in a series of chants sung in a call-and-response style. I've been to a couple of different Kirtans before, associated with the various different cults I've been involved in; but this was my first time at this particular group.

Kirtan is a lot more fun than this.

Kirtan is a lot more fun than this.

Now before my family read this and conclude that I'm going to hell for becoming a Hindu, I should point out that the reason I go to Kirtan is because chanting in a group makes me feel good. That's pretty much the idea behind the whole thing.

Most of the chants are sung in Sanskrit, which means I … Continue reading…

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How To Be A Dickhead Personal Trainer

I recently had a conversation with a personal trainer at Fitness First on Collins Street, Melbourne that highlighted for me how not to work with a potential new client. Now I don't want to malign this fine institution or their personal trainers in general; I don't know the stringent requirements they have for the position, nor do I want to suggest that all their trainers treat potential clients the same way.

This Guy Is Probably A Lot Better

This Guy Is Probably A Lot Better

I'd probably include the specific trainers name here to avoid any possibility of confusion, if I could remember it; but I don't remember it, and frankly don't want to. I'll just call him “Mr Trainer”, on the basis that if I show him some respect, he might learn to do the same to me.

The interaction left me feeling cranky until I could channel my anger passive-aggressively into this article. So … Continue reading…

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My Highlights Of The 2015 Melbourne International Comedy Festival

I totally smashed the 2015 Melbourne International Comedy Festival, going to over 30 shows during the 3 weeks I camped out in the Melbourne Central Youth Hostel, and then Nomads All Nations after the YHA kicked me out for overstaying my visa welcome.

Tickets From Some Of The Shows I Saw

Tickets From Some Of The Shows I Saw

I take my hat off to all the comedians who showed up and strutted their stuff for my amusement. It's hard to rank all the shows I saw, or compare them on any sensible basis as there was so much variety and talent on show and they were almost all highly entertaining.

But nevertheless, here's my best attempt starting with my most favourites:

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The Voices Inside My Head

Graham: I have a confession to make: there are these two voices in my head, vying for my attention all the time. I think I'll make a video about them for my YouTube channel.

Love: Oh cool, that sounds awesome! Everyone has voices in their head; so many people will relate. This video, is going viral!

Continue reading…

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Angry Monologue: Courtroom Scene From "A Few Good Men"

I've been doing a lot of work with anger lately; an emotion I used to be uncomfortable with. Not any more! Just for fun, here's an angry monologue: the "you can't handle the truth" Courtroom scene from "A Few Good Men" with me reading Colonel Jessup:

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Musicians Wanted For New Sydney Eastern-Suburbs Based Rock Band

Band performs on stage

Want to join my new rock band?

I've been in a couple of bands before, and playing music with other people is one of the most fun things a human being can do with their clothes on. If you've never played in a band before, it's the best way I know to take your skills to the next level. And most importantly, it's fun!

Now I'm starting my own band based in the Eastern-Suburbs of Sydney, and I'm looking for:

  • Bass guitarist
  • Guitarist
  • Keyboard Player
  • Vocalist

Interested in playing music like:

  • Adele: Rolling in the Deep
  • Aston Shuffle: No Place like Home
  • Birds of Tokyo: Plans
  • Dire Straits: Sultans of Swing
  • Eskimo Joe: Black Fingernails, Red Wine
  • Foster The People: Best Friend, Coming of Age
  • Highasakite: Since last Wednesday
  • Fun: Some Nights

I'm an intermediate-level drummer and have been playing for about 4 years, so I don't expect … Continue reading…

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How I Won The Entrepreneurs Master Class Kick Ass Goal Competition

If you're interested in what I did to rank among the winners of the Entrepreneurs Master Class Big Ass Goal Competition in March 2015, here's what my submission looked like:

Name: Graham Stoney

Please state your original goal:

Get on TV doing comedy by 13th February 2015

Have there been any changes to your goal since the original submission? If so, what changes in direction have you taken and why?

The basic strategy is to intuitively create funny stuff, see what works, put a comedy routine together that I can deliver on TV... and start stalking The Chaser team from ABC TV.

It's proven rather challenging; but hey, it's a stretch goal so that's normal, right?

What are the key action that you have taken toward your goal?

  • Wrote it in my goal book. Worried about Meditated on it every day.
  • Completed a Stand-Up Comedy course with City East
Continue reading…
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Audience Therapy

What happens when an incompetent, narcissistic talk-show "therapist" with an agenda takes on a hapless client in front of a challenging audience? Hilarity ensues!

We'll sort you, AND your head out.

We'll sort you, AND your head out.

Written and directed by Mark Smith

Starring:
Graham Stoney as Sidebar
Monica Moroney as Antoinette
Wassim Hawat as Jordan
David Berry as Harrison
Mark Smith as Roger

Part of Short+Sweet Theatre Sydney 2015, Wildcards Week 7.

Venue: The Fuse Box, The Factory Theatre, 105 Victoria Road, Marrickville.

To buy tickets, visit: http://www.factorytheatre.com.au/events/2015/02/02/short-sweet-theatre-wildcards

Showing on:

Saturday 21st February 2015 at 2:30pm: Facebook event
Sunday 22nd February 2015 at 12pm: Facebook event
Monday 23rd February 2015 at 7:30pm: Facebook event

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