Contemporary popular music can be a powerful tool for helping heal grief. This essay begins with an autoethnographic case study of my personal lived experience using contemporary popular music to help manage, regulate, and heal the often-overwhelming emotions involved in grief.[1] I will also analyse this personal experience using a psychological framework highlighting the strengths of contemporary popular music for resolving grief.
It has been four years, nine months, and thirteen days since my beloved father died of cancer. He had been ill for three years, so it was not unexpected, but it was and still is a huge shock. Fifteen months later, my mother also died of cancer. Nothing in life had prepared me for the shock of both my parents dying. I feel shaky all day, every day. My head hurts, my body feels tense, my shoulders ache. It feels like a part of my soul was ripped out when I saw Dad[2]die.
Nobody told me there would be days like this. The thought reminds me of John Lennon’s song Nobody Told Me,[3]which feels all the more prescient given that it was released posthumously. Music has been a big part of my grief healing journey, so I will describe how it has played out.
I took up music relatively late in life, and as his health began to decline rapidly, I realised that my father was not going to live long enough to see me perform live. So, I took my guitar around to my parents’ house, went into their bedroom along with my mother, knelt on the floor and played Dad some songs as he lay dying on the bed. It was the toughest gig I have ever played.
After I played Let It Be by The Beatles,[4] Mum asked me, “What do you think the song is about?”
“Acceptance,” I said nervously.
“Yes”, she replied with a pause, “It’s not always easy though, is it.”
It was a rare moment of empathy between us as we watched the man we both loved dying.
On another visit, I sat by my father’s bedside, looked into his eyes, and felt terror knowing that the light in those eyes would soon go out. Peter Gabriel’s song In Your Eyes takes me straight back to that moment.[5]
As my father’s condition deteriorated, we moved him into palliative care for the last few weeks of his life. I visited most days to sit by his bedside feeling terror that this man who had been such a huge part of my life was slowly slipping away. He seemed uncomfortable, restless, and angry. I remembered back to my childhood experience of my father’s anger and rage, often in response to the verbal put-downs from my mother. It did not feel safe to be around then, and it still did not feel safe to be around now.
I held Dad’s hand and said, “Dad, there is something I need to talk to you about. While I’ve been sitting here the last few days, I’ve realised how frightened I am of your anger. You really scared the shit out of me when I was a kid.” I started to cry. “I want you to know that I forgive you… and if I’ve done anything that’s hurt you, please forgive me too.”
I did not want Dad to die, but I also did not want to see him continue to suffer. He was suffering, Mum was suffering, my sisters were suffering. We were all suffering. The cancer had progressed, and the situation was clearly hopeless.
“You don’t have to hang around any longer Dad,” I said, “You’re free to go” through a veil of intense tears. Part of me meant it, while another part was horrified at the thought of telling my father it was OK for him to die. It was not.
It was late in the afternoon, so I said “Goodbye” to my father, and headed home.
Mum rang the next morning and said, “He died during the night.”
I went into shock.
I drove over to the hospice as I had done most days in the preceding two weeks. But this time it was different. My dad was no longer there. His body was there, but Dad as I knew him was gone. As I walked into his room, I saw a big sign on the door saying, “Do not enter without first checking with the Director of Nursing.”
I knew the sign did not apply to me.
I went in and saw the most shocking thing I have ever seen: my dad’s dead body. I had never seen a dead person before and certainly not the body of someone I loved so much. I recalled seeing one of our cats dead in the outside toilet when I was a kid, and have seen plenty of roadkill, but this was different.
I sat and talked to my dad. He did not respond. He was dead. As I was preparing to say “Goodbye,” the door opened, and the tea lady came in with a cart.
“Would you like tea or coffee?” she asked cheerily.
“No thank you”, I said.
“What about Mr Stoney?” she enquired.
“He’s dead,” I said bluntly.
“Oh, my goodness! I’m so sorry,” she said as she made a hasty exit.
I have never seen anyone run out of a room so quickly. I was not in the mood for emotional caretaking and thought speaking the truth would be funny and break the tension I was feeling. “Didn’t she see the sign on the door?!?” I asked my dead father, “What the fuck?!?”
My father had been a big fan of The Goon Show,[6] and I think he would have seen the funny side of it. “Well, I guess we get to end on a laugh,” I said as I recalled the Monty Python song Always Look on The Bright Side of Life.[7]
I knew the grief was going to be intense. The feelings would be overwhelming, and I did not want to carry on the family tradition of avoiding and suppressing emotions. I played Sarah Brightman’s English version of Time to Say Goodbye[8] on my iPhone and started to sob. It always hits me hard.
“Goodbye Dad. I love you,” I said as I left, never to be the same again.
A week later we held a funeral at the church where I had grown up. The body of my father was in a box at the front of the church. It felt surreal. I delivered the eulogy with one of my sisters. We sang Amazing Grace[9] and a couple of Dad’s other favourite hymns. As they took Dad’s coffin from the church, one of the funeral attendants handed me the photo of my father from the top of the coffin. “What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?!?,” I thought as tears streamed down my face as described in Coldplay’s song Fix You.[10]
I felt numb in the wake of Dad’s death and had the worst insomnia of my life. I just could not fall asleep. I sat up until 4:30 AM each night watching Rage.[11] There were lots of videos from the 1980s and from Countdown,[12] which I had grown up on and that felt soothing.
Experiencing how frightened I was of my father’s anger as he was dying made me realise how much I had suppressed my own. I learned to play Angry Young Man by Billy Joel[13] on the piano, and to sing Killing In The Name by Rage Against the Machine[14] in my band Hairy Goblins[15] to express my own deeply repressed anger.
Thirteen months after my father died, my mother was diagnosed with metastatic melanoma, and after two months she too was dead.
For me, the feelings of grief have involved overwhelming sadness, fear, anger, guilt, and shame, punctuated with occasional joy before the next wave of painful emotional flashbacks hit. They are accompanied by unpleasant physical sensations like tension in my legs, arms, body, and head; headaches; panic attacks; nausea; vomiting; difficulty breathing; a feeling of foreboding; a sense of impending doom; and exacerbated social anxiety. My experience of grief has all the symptoms of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD).[16]
To help process these intense emotions, I assembled playlists in Apple Music[17] for each of my parents, and a combined Dead Parents playlist.[18] I added relevant contemporary pop songs to each playlist as they came to mind, I heard them in my travels or came across them in my studies. I sorted the playlists into some kind of meaningful order like a producer determining the track order on an album, while also attempting to resolve the underlying feelings of grief.
Songs with a particularly strong meaning to me included Cat’s in the Cradle by Harry Chapin[19] which reminded me of my relationship with my dad. Songs titled Valerie by Steve Winwood[20] and Mark Ronson (featuring Amy Winehouse)[21] reminded me of my mother of the same name. Dear God by XTC[22] expressed the antipathy I felt towards a God I do not believe in for allowing my parents to die such horrible deaths, while What Becomes of the Brokenhearted by Jimmy Ruffin[23] expressed the despair I felt. I also learned to play these songs on the piano to connect with them on a deeper level, using charts from Ultimate Guitar[24] so I did not have to decode staves through my tears.
Meanwhile, life went on. I kept turning up to university in a daze. Attending lectures. Doing assignments. Sitting exams. Slowly chipping through the grief, one day at a time. I did EMDR,[25] somatic experiencing,[26] ecstatic dance,[27] grief workshops, family constellations,[28] joined a men’s group[29] and Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families[30] to help heal my grief, the unresolved issues with my late parents, and the intergenerational trauma that came with them.
I also wrote my own song titled Shock to the System[31] about my parents’ deaths. Prior to their deaths I had written and released a song that came to me in a yoga class titled Everything Is Fucked which has a line saying, “My mum and dad have cancer”, for which I got my parents to appear in the music video.[32] It was now far too painful to watch.
Some songs helped me connect with the pain so I could process it, like Let Somebody Go by Coldplay[33] which I added after hearing them play it at their recent Sydney concert. Others like Now I Can Dance by Tina Arena[34] help me create a sense of hope for the future. The full grief playlists grew to almost 3 days which is far too long to listen to in one sitting. Some days I lay in a foetal position on the couch rocking back and forth with my grief playlist on shuffle letting Apple Music choose what I needed to hear at that moment.
Most recently, I have been learning to play Let It Be[35] on piano to process more of these emotions so that I can function without feeling overwhelmed. I am taking it one day at a time, believing that as I keep chipping away at the grief, eventually it will become less painful.
* * *
Popular conceptions of grief are often based on the 5 stages that Elizabeth Kubler-Ross observed terminally ill patients go through: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.[36] However, these stages do not occur in a neat linear fashion, and while there are some parallels, the grief experienced by a person after a loved one dies does not necessarily follow the same process.[37]
Contemporary psychology’s handling of grief is hampered by its historical emphasis from the 1950s on cognitive behaviourism making Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) the gold standard in empirically supported psychotherapy.[38] However, CBT offers only limited support for dealing with the overwhelming emotions involved in grief. Under its model, thoughts are believed to create feelings; yet the intense feelings of grief are a response not to faulty thinking, but to the reality of the enormous relational loss experienced.[39] Sociologists,[40] musicologists,[41] and music therapists[42] can approach the problem of grief more powerfully since they are not constrained by a flawed cognitive model of emotions that is not native to their disciplines. Affective neuroscience[43] and interpersonal neurobiology[44]offer a more modern social view of emotions and the associated autonomic nervous system arousal based on brain biology whereby emotions arise bottom-up in response to situational cues, such as an enormous relational loss in the case of grief. Our nervous systems do not operate in isolation however, but fundamentally respond to the environment so restoring wellbeing to the bereaved requires an environment which offers relational safety and the free flow of emotion, which music can help facilitate.[45]
Grief presents a challenge because of the overwhelming intensity of the emotions involved, requiring these feelings to be processed in manageable chunks, in a process referred to as “titration” for healing emotional trauma.[46] An added challenge in Western society is that cultural attitudes are often unhelpful for dealing with intense and prolonged emotions of grief.[47] However, music is an art form in which emotions are considered socially acceptable. Music can be a powerful tool for healing grief because of its ability to affect evolutionarily primitive brain structures involved in emotional processing directly.[48] Music connects us to our inner experience more powerfully than words,[49] and gets under our skin.[50] Music grief therapy is an effective way to help heal grief,[51] and this is consistent with my experience.
Contemporary popular music has been instrumental in helping me deal with the grief I feel over the deaths of both my parents. The widespread availability, familiarity, and popularity of contemporary popular music presents an opportunity for bereaved people to connect with, safely feel, and process painful feelings to reduce the suffering involved in grief.
Discography
Arena, Tina, and David Tyson. “Now I Can Dance.” In In Deep, Columbia, 1997. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDpFXzeVFO4.
Beatles, The. “Let It Be.” In Let It Be, Apple Records, 1970. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGj85pVzRJs.
Brightman, Sarah. “Time to Say Goodbye.” 2008. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDrlwxJt0yk.
Chapin, Harry. “Cat’s in the Cradle.” In Verities & Balderdash, 1974. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxRh7pqXSaI.
Coldplay. “Fix You.” In X&Y, 2005. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4V3Mo61fJM.
Coldplay, and Selena Gomez. “Let Somebody Go.” In Music of the Spheres, 2022. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWCMGIG1Y54.
Gabriel, Peter. “In Your Eyes.” In So, 1986. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kU8OJAOMbPg.
Joel, Billy. “Prelude/Angry Young Man.” In Turnstiles, Columbia, 1976. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkUZGt7MhBE.
Lennon, John. “Nobody Told Me.” In Milk and Honey, Polydor, 1984. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuuhsqA95iA.
Monty Python. “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life.” In Monty Python’s Life of Brian, 1979. https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=X_-q9xeOgG4.
Newton, John. “Amazing Grace.” In Olney Hymns, Newton and Cowper, 1779.
Rage Against The Machine. “Killing in the Name.” In Rage Against The Machine, Epic, 1992. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWXazVhlyxQ.
Ronson, Mark. “Valerie (Ft. Amy Winehouse).” 2007. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bixuI_GV5I0.
Ruffin, Jimmy. “What Becomes of the Brokenhearted.” In Sings Top Ten, 1967. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZfnKqAGlfY.
Stoney, Graham. “Everything Is Fucked.” 2017. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wO6kkgy6LP4.
———. “Shock to the System.” Unpublished, 2023.
———. “Sonata for My Father.” 2020. https://soundcloud.com/grahamstoney/sonata-for-my-father.
Winwood, Steve. “Valerie.” In Talking Back to the Night, 1982. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbKNICg-REA.
XTC. “Dear God.” In Skylarking, Virgin, 1986. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p554R-Jq43A.
References
ABC TV. Countdown, 1974-1987, on ABC TV. https://iview.abc.net.au/show/classic-countdown/.
ABC TV. Rage, episode 2 Dec 2024 1987-, on ABC TV. https://www.abc.net.au/rage.
Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families. “Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families.” 2024, accessed 15 Nov 2024, https://adultchildren.org/.
Apple, Inc. “Apple Music.” 2024, accessed 3 Dec 2024, https://www.apple.com/apple-music/.
BBC Home Service. “The Goon Show,.” BBC Home Service, 1951-1960. Radio. https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0072vdz.
Bright, Ruth. “Music Therapy in Grief Resolution.” Bulletin of the Menninger Clinic 63, no. 4 (1999): 481.
Chambless, Dianne L, and Thomas H Ollendick. “Empirically Supported Psychological Interventions: Controversies and Evidence.” Annual review of psychology 52, no. 1 (2001): 685-716.
DeNora, Tia. Music Asylums: Wellbeing through Music in Everyday Life. Music and Change: Ecological Perspectives. 1st ed. Burlington, Vt: Routledge, 2013. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781315596730.
———. “The Unsung Work of Music Sociology?”. In Roads to Music Sociology, edited by Alfred Smudits. Musik Und Gesellschaft, 111-37. Germany: Springer, 2018.
Fosha, Diana, Daniel J Siegel, Marion F Solomon, Jaak Panksepp, Stephen W. Porges, Colwyn Trevarthen, Ed Tronick, et al. The Healing Power of Emotion: Affective Neuroscience, Development & Clinical Practice. Edited by Diana Fosha, Daniel J Siegel and Marion F Solomon. W.W. Norton & Company, 2009.
“Hairy Göblins.” 2024, accessed 6 Dec 2024, https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100095510951827.
Kübler-Ross, Elisabeth. On Death and Dying. 1 ed. Florence: Routledge, 1969. https://doi.org/10.4324/9780203010495.
Levine, Peter A, and Ann Frederick. Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma: The Innate Capacity to Transform Overwhelming Experiences. North Atlantic Books, 1997.
Levitin, Daniel J. This Is Your Brain on Music: The Science of a Human Obsession. Plume/Penguin, 2007.
Maté, Gabor, and Daniel Maté. The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, & Healing in a Toxic Culture. New York: Avery, an imprint of Penguin Random House, 2022.
Panksepp, Jaak. Affective Neuroscience: The Foundations of Human and Animal Emotions. Oxford university press, 2004.
Porges, Stephen W. The Polyvagal Theory : Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation.The Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology. 1st ed. New York: W.W. Norton, 2011.
Rooke, Jacques. “The Restorative Effects of Ecstatic Dance: A Qualitative Study.” Bachelor of Arts, DBS School of Arts, 2014. https://esource.dbs.ie/bitstream/10788/2284/1/ba_rooke_j_2014.pdf.
Shapiro, Francine. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (Emdr): Basic Principles, Protocols, and Procedures. Guilford Press, 2001.
Stoney, Graham. “Dead Parents Playlist.” Apple Music, 2024. https://music.apple.com/au/playlist/dead-parents/pl.u-pMylARMC4Ye0dRx.
The ManKind Project. “Mankind Project: Men’s Community for the 21st Century.” The ManKind Project, 2024, accessed 15 Nov, 2024, https://mankindproject.org/.
Tomaino, Concetta M. “Music Therapy and the Brain.” Chap. 4 In Music Therapy Handbook, 40-49: Guildford Publications, 2015.
Ultimate Guitar USA LLC. “Ultimate Guitar.” 2024, accessed 6 Dec 2024, https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/.
Walker, Pete. Complex Ptsd: From Surviving to Thriving. Azure Coyote, 2013.
Welford, Enid. “Giving the Dead Their Rightful Place:Grief Work with the Family System.” Transactional Analysis Journal 44, no. 4 (2014): 320-33. https://doi.org/10.1177/0362153714559920.
Appendix: Grief Playlists
These are some of the component playlists I combined to form the Dead Parents Playlist[52]. Many songs could be categorised on multiple playlists, but I chose to pick the one that felt most appropriate and not duplicate any song, so the entire playlist can be played without repetition.
The full playlist has 1,085 items and runs for 2.9 days.
Father Grief Playlist[53]
This playlist contains songs specifically related to the death of my father:
| # | Title | Artist | Album |
| 1 | A.I. | Donavon Frankenreiter | Start Livin’ |
| 2 | Babyfather | Sade | The Ultimate Collection (Remas… |
| 3 | A Boy Named Sue | Johnny Cash | Columbia Country Classics, Vol.… |
| 4 | Captain Jack | Billy Joel | Piano Man |
| 5 | Cat’s In the Cradle | Harry Chapin | Verities & Balderdash |
| 6 | Cats In The Cradle | Cat Stevens | The Essentials |
| 7 | Color Him Father | The Winstons | Color Him Father |
| 8 | Dad | Tyler Wood | Who I Am |
| 9 | Daddy | Coldplay | Everyday Life |
| 10 | Daddy Could Swear, I Declare | Gladys Knight & The Pips | The Ultimate Collection: Gladys… |
| 11 | Daddy Lessons (feat. The Chicks) | Beyoncé | Daddy Lessons (feat. The Chick… |
| 12 | Daddy’s Son | Trey Pendley | Daddy’s Son – Single |
| 13 | Dance with My Father | Luther Vandross | Dance with My Father |
| 14 | Every Sperm Is Sacred | Monty Python | The Meaning of Life |
| 15 | Father | Demi Lovato | Confident (Deluxe Edition) |
| 16 | Father and Son | Ronan Keating, Yusuf Islam & Y… | 10 Years of Hits |
| 17 | Father of Mine | Everclear | So Much For the Afterglow |
| 18 | Father Time (feat. Sampha) | Kendrick Lamar | Mr. Morale & The Big Steppers |
| 19 | Father, Son | Peter Gabriel | OVO |
| 20 | Father’s Day | Weddings Parties Anything | Difficult Loves |
| 21 | Father’s Eyes | Steps | What the Future Holds |
| 22 | A Father’s Love (The Only Way He Knew How) | Bucky Covington | Good Guys |
| 23 | How Do I Say Goodbye | Dean Lewis | The Hardest Love |
| 24 | I Learned from You | Miley Cyrus & Billy Ray Cyrus | Hannah Montana (Songs from a… |
| 25 | In Your Eyes | Peter Gabriel | So (Special Edition) |
| 26 | Just the Two of Us | Will Smith | Big Willie Style |
| 27 | Let It Be | The Beatles | Let It Be |
| 28 | The Living Years (Remastered 2014) | Mike + The Mechanics | Living Years (Deluxe Anniversar… |
| 29 | Long Time Comin’ | Bruce Springsteen | Devils & Dust |
| 30 | Lost Without You | Freya Ridings | Lost Without You – Single |
| 31 | Love Without End, Amen | George Strait | 50 Number Ones |
| 32 | Monsters | James Blunt | Once Upon a Mind |
| 33 | My Daddy (A.k.a. Daddy’s Song) | Evelyn Turrentine-Agee | Double Exposure |
| 34 | My Father’s Eyes | Chris de Burgh | The Storyman |
| 35 | My Father’s Eyes | Eric Clapton | Pilgrim |
| 36 | My Father’s Eyes | Joshua Radin | though the world will tell me so,… |
| 37 | My Father’s Eyes (feat. Eric Clapton) | Pedrito Martinez | Acertijos |
| 38 | My Hero | Foo Fighters | The Colour And The Shape |
| 39 | My Old Man | Mac DeMarco | This Old Dog |
| 40 | The Night My Father Died | Majesty | We’re a Family Serving God |
| 41 | Not My Father’s Son | Billy Porter & Stark Sands | Kinky Boots (Original 2013 Broa… |
| 42 | The Old Man | John McDermott | The Irish Tenors |
| 43 | Papa | Paul Anka | Anka |
| 44 | Papa Don’t Preach | Madonna | True Blue |
| 45 | Papa, Can You Hear Me? | Barbra Streisand | The Essential Barbra Streisand |
| 46 | Sonata for My Father | Graham Stoney | |
| 47 | Song For Dad | Keith Urban | Golden Road |
| 48 | Sour Times | Portishead | Dummy |
| 49 | These Three Words | Stevie Wonder | Jungle Fever (Soundtrack from t… |
| 50 | A Thousand Years | Christina Perri | The Twilight Saga: Breaking Da… |
| 51 | With Arms Wide Open | Creed | Hard Rock |
| 52 | You Will Always Be My Son | Anthem Lights | Painted Skies |
| 53 | Your Joy | Chrisette Michele | I Am |
53 songs, 3.7 hours
Grief and Loss Playlist[54]
These songs connected me with grief and loss over both parent’s deaths:
| # | Title Artist | Album | |
| 1 | Go Now The Moody Blues | The Magnificent Moodies | |
| 2 | What Becomes of the Brokenhearted Jimmy Ruffin | Jimmy Ruffin Sings Top Ten | |
| 3 | Heartbreak Hotel Elvis Presley | Elv1s: 30 #1 Hits | |
| 4 | Zombie The Cranberries | No Need to Argue (The Complet… | |
| 5 | Token Angels Wendy Matthews | The Essential Wendy Matthews | |
| 6 | This Love Maroon 5 | Songs About Jane | |
| 7 | Total Eclipse of the Heart Bonnie Tyler | Faster Than the Speed of Night | |
| 8 | Working In a Coalmine Devo | Greatest Hits | |
| 9 | Always Something There to Remind Me Naked Eyes | Naked Eyes | |
| 10 | Don’t Forget to Remember Me | Carrie Underwood | Some Hearts |
| 11 | Weightless | Marconi Union | The Ambient Zone Just Music C… |
| 12 | Jóga | Björk | Jóga |
| 13 | Hurt Feelings | Flight of the Conchords | I Told You I Was Freaky |
| 14 | The Lazy Song | Bruno Mars | Doo-Wops & Hooligans (Deluxe) |
| 15 | Another One Bites the Dust | Queen | Greatest Hits |
| 16 | Moonlight Shadow | Mike Oldfield | Crisis |
| 17 | Ring of Fire | Johnny Cash | The Essential Johnny Cash |
| 18 | The Honeymoon Is Over | The Cruel Sea | The Honeymoon Is Over |
| 19 | Welcome to the Black Parade | My Chemical Romance | The Black Parade |
| 20 | Only the Good Die Young | Billy Joel | The Stranger |
| 21 | Rocket Man (I Think It’s Going to Be a Long Long Time) | Elton John | Honky Château |
| 22 | White Wine In the Sun | Tim Minchin | White Wine In the Sun – Single |
| 23 | I Don’t Know | Trevor Daniel | Homesick – EP |
| 24 | Harley and Rose | The Black Sorrows | The Essential Black Sorrows |
| 25 | Something Happened On the Way to Heaven | Phil Collins | The Singles (Remastered) |
| 26 | Tears in Heaven | Eric Clapton | Clapton Chronicles: The Best of… |
| 27 | In The Stars | Benson Boone | In The Stars – Single |
| 28 | ONE MORE TIME | blink-182 | ONE MORE TIME… |
| 29 | Visiting Hours | Ed Sheeran | = |
| 30 | Ghost | Justin Bieber | Justice |
| 31 | Hurts to Love You | Nick Carter | Hurts to Love You – Single |
| 32 | I’ll Be Missing You (feat. Faith Evans, 112) | Puff Daddy & Faith Evans | Bad Boy’s 10th Anniversary- Th… |
| 33 | Can’t Say Goodbye | Brian McKnight | Exodus |
| 34 | The Glass | H.E.R. | The Glass – Single |
| 35 | Eyes Closed | Ed Sheeran | – (Deluxe) |
| 36 | Wind Beneath My Wings | Gerald Levert | Father and Son |
| 37 | See You Again (feat. Charlie Puth) | Wiz Khalifa | Furious 7 (Original Motion Pictu… |
| 38 | Gone | Dylan Dunlap | When You’re Feeling Blue – EP |
| 39 | Let Somebody Go | Coldplay X Selena Gomez | Music of the Spheres |
| 40 | Gold Forever (For Tom) | The Wanted | Gold Forever (For Tom) – Single |
| 41 | Stars (feat. Kenny Chesney) [Bonus Track] | Grace Potter | The Lion the Beast the Beat (De… |
| 42 | Empty Room | Jamie Miller | The Things I Left Unsaid – EP |
| 43 | Fly Away (RIP King T) | Tones And I | Fly Away (RIP King T) – Single |
| 44 | Memories | Maroon 5 | JORDI |
| 45 | Angel | Sarah McLachlan | The Essential Sarah McLachlan |
| 46 | Head Above Water | Avril Lavigne | Head Above Water |
| 47 | We’ll Know Come Morning | Toulouse | We’ll Know Come Morning – Sin… |
| 48 | No Such Thing | Sara Bareilles | Amidst the Chaos |
| 49 | Unsteady | X Ambassadors | VHS |
| 50 | In My Heart (2006 Remaster) | Moby | Go – The Very Best of Moby |
| 51 | hurts like hell | Wrabel | hurts like hell – Single |
| 52 | When You Lose Someone | Nina Nesbitt | When You Lose Someone – Single |
| 53 | Fix You | Coldplay | X&Y |
| 54 | How to Save a Life | The Fray | The Collection |
| 55 | Everybody Dies | Billie Eilish | Happier Than Ever |
| 56 | I Will Remember You | Sarah McLachlan | Closer – The Best of Sarah McL… |
| 57 | The Great Gig In the Sky | Pink Floyd | The Dark Side of the Moon |
| 58 | afterthoughts | renforshort | afterthoughts – Single |
| 59 | Sad Forever | Lauv | ~How I’m Feeling~ |
| 60 | Nobody Told Me | John Lennon | Milk and Honey |
| 61 | Young & Sad | Noah Cyrus | THE END OF EVERYTHING |
| 62 | Wasting Time (New York) | B.Miles | Wasting Time (New York) – Single |
| 63 | Daniel | Elton John | Don’t Shoot Me I’m Only The Pi… |
| 64 | Shiny Happy People | R.E.M. | Out of Time |
| 65 | Bye Bye Bye | *NSYNC | *NSYNC: Greatest Hits |
| 66 | Payphone (feat. Wiz Khalifa) | Maroon 5 | Overexposed |
| 67 | Don’t Let the Sun Go Down On Me (Duet with Elton… | Elton John & George Michael | Ladies & Gentlemen: The Best… |
| 68 | Temptation | Heaven 17 | Endless |
| 69 | 3AM Eternal (Live at the S.S.L.) | The KLF | Solid State Logik 1 |
| 70 | Viva La Vida | Coldplay | Viva La Vida or Death and All Hi… |
| 71 | Gonna Die Alone | Hanni El Khatib | Savage Times Vol. 1 – Single |
| 72 | Misery (Single Version) | Soul Asylum | Let Your Dim Light Shine |
| 73 | Heaven | Tierra Whack | R&B? – EP |
| 74 | Dead! | My Chemical Romance | The Black Parade (Deluxe Versi… |
| 75 | Ashes to Ashes | David Bowie | Scary Monsters (And Super Cre… |
| 76 | Fire and Rain | James Taylor | The Essential James Taylor |
| 77 | Mother & Father | BROODS | Evergreen |
77 Songs, 5 hours
Anger and Rage playlist[55]
These songs express the anger and rage I felt about the deaths of my parents, and the relationships I had with them:
| # | Title | Artist | Album |
| 1 | Killing In The Name | Rage Against the Machine | Rage Against The Machine |
| 2 | Going Under | Evanescence | Fallen |
| 3 | Bad Medicine | Bon Jovi | New Jersey |
| 4 | Minority | Green Day | Warning [Import Bonus… |
| 5 | Prelude / Angry Young Man | Billy Joel | Turnstiles |
| 6 | She’s So Mean | Matchbox Twenty | North |
| 7 | Rolling In The Deep | Adele | 21 |
| 8 | Ironic | Alanis Morissette | Jagged Little Pill |
| 9 | We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together (Taylor’s Version) | Taylor Swift | Red (Taylor’s Version) [… |
| 10 | Love Song | Sara Bareilles | Little Voice |
| 11 | You’re So Vain | Carly Simon | No Secrets |
| 12 | Janie’s Got a Gun | Aerosmith | Big Ones |
| 13 | Just Friends | Gavin DeGraw | Chariot |
| 14 | Somebody That I Used to Know (feat. Kimbra) | Gotye | Making Mirrors |
| 15 | Welcome to the Boomtown | David & David | Boomtown |
| 16 | Short People | Randy Newman | Little Criminals |
| 17 | Blue Sky Mine | Midnight Oil | 20,000 Watt R.S.L.: Gre… |
| 18 | Pouring Petrol On a Burning Man | Paul Kelly & The Messe… | Hidden Things |
| 19 | Solid Rock (Remastered Version) | Goanna | Spirit Of Place (40th An… |
| 20 | Everybody’s gone to war | Nerina Pallot | Fires |
| 21 | War | Frankie Goes to Hollyw… | Welcome to the Pleasur… |
| 22 | Faint | Linkin Park | Meteora |
| 23 | You Got Nothing I Want | Cold Chisel | Circus Animals (Remast… |
| 24 | A*****e | Denis Leary | No Cure for Cancer |
| 25 | Little Lion Man | Mumford & Sons | Sigh No More |
| 26 | Everything Is Fucked | Graham Stoney | |
| 27 | Copperhead Road | Steve Earle | Copperhead Road |
| 28 | Two Tribes | Frankie Goes to Hollyw… | Welcome to the Pleasur… |
| 29 | It’s Not Me It’s You | Skillet | Awake |
| 30 | The Ballad of Danny Bailey (1909-1934) [2014 Remaster] | Elton John | Goodbye Yellow Brick R… |
| 31 | Livin’ On the Edge | Aerosmith | Get a Grip |
| 32 | Bullet with Butterfly Wings | The Smashing Pumpkins | Mellon Collie and the In… |
| 33 | We’re Not Gonna Take It | Twisted Sister | Stay Hungry |
| 34 | You Little Thief | Feargal Sharkey | Feargal Sharkey |
| 35 | Bring Me To Life | Evanescence | Fallen |
38 songs, 2.6 hours
Fear and Terror playlist[56]
My parent’s deaths brought up a lot of fear, anxiety, panic, and terror for me:
| # | Title | Artist | Album |
| 1 | Fear | Boris Brejcha | Fear – Single |
| 2 | The Fear | Lily Allen | It’s Not Me, It’s You |
| 3 | That Funny Feeling | Phoebe Bridgers | That Funny Feeling – Single |
| 4 | Unwell | Matchbox Twenty | |
| 5 | Pressure | Billy Joel | The Nylon Curtain |
| 6 | Pressure Down | John Farnham | Whispering Jack |
| 7 | Harder To Breathe | Maroon 5 | Songs About Jane |
| 8 | Senses Working Overtime | XTC | English Settlement |
| 9 | 19th Nervous Breakdown | The Rolling Stones | Big Hits (High Tide and Green… |
| 10 | Psycho Killer | Talking Heads | The Best of Talking Heads |
| 11 | Enter Sandman | Metallica | |
| 12 | FEAR. | Kendrick Lamar | DAMN. |
| 13 | Fear | Current Joys | A Different Age |
| 14 | Fear | SEVENTEEN | An Ode |
| 15 | Fear | Disturbed | The Sickness (10th Anniversary… |
| 16 | Fear (feat. TAEYANG) | MINO | Show Me the Money 4 Episode… |
| 17 | Fear | Drake | Fear – Single |
| 18 | Fear | Lecrae | Anomaly |
| 19 | Fear | Bon Jovi | Keep the Faith |
| 20 | Fear | edith | Fear – Single |
| 21 | Fear | Creed | Full Circle |
| 22 | Fear (feat. Matt Honeycutt) | Cursed Earth | The Deathbed Sessions |
| 23 | Fear | Sia | Healing Is Difficult (10th Anniver… |
| 24 | Fear | Blue October | Sway |
| 25 | Fear | Deepak Chopra & Adam Plack | Soul of Healing Affirmations |
| 26 | Fear | Sarah McLachlan | Fumbling Towards Ecstasy |
| 27 | Fear | Graves | Monster |
| 28 | Fear | Everyone You Know | Ain’t Smiled in Ages |
| 29 | Fear | Citizens | Fear |
| 30 | Fear | OneRepublic | Waking Up |
| 31 | Fear (feat. Imagine Dragons) | X Ambassadors | VHS |
| 32 | fear | gnash | fear – Single |
| 33 | Fear | NEFFEX | Fear – Single |
| 34 | Fear | Sade | Promise |
| 35 | Fear | Logic | Ultra 85 |
| 36 | Fear Inoculum | TOOL | Fear Inoculum |
| 37 | Fear | Ben Rector | Brand New |
| 38 | Fear (feat. Snak the Ripper) | Swollen Members & Madchild | Beautiful Death Machine |
| 39 | Fear | Deaf Havana | RITUALS |
| 40 | Fear | Yanzi Sun | My Desired Happiness |
| 41 | Fear (feat. Mackenzie O’Guin) | Tech N9ne Collabos | Strangeulation (Deluxe Edition) |
| 42 | Fear | Jenny Morris | Listen – The Very Best of Jenny… |
| 43 | Fear | RAAHiiM | Fear of the Unknown |
| 44 | Fear | Jazmine Sullivan | Fearless (Bonus Track Version) |
| 45 | Anxiety (feat. Papa Roach) | Black Eyed Peas | Elephunk |
| 46 | Anxiety (feat. Selena Gomez) | Julia Michaels | Inner Monologue, Pt. 1 – EP |
| 47 | anxiety (with FRND) | blackbear | cybersex |
| 48 | Anxiety | Bmike | Blackheart Boulevard |
| 49 | anxiety. | JVKE | anxiety. – Single |
| 50 | Anxiety | Anna Clendening | Waves – EP |
| 51 | Anxiety | Megan Thee Stallion | Traumazine |
| 52 | Anxiety (Intro) | Juice WRLD | Legends Never Die (Video Versi… |
| 53 | Anxiety | Simple Plan | Harder Than It Looks |
| 54 | Anxiety | Angels & Airwaves | Love, Pt. 1 & 2 |
| 55 | Anxiety | Frank Carter & The Rattlesnakes | End of Suffering |
| 56 | Anxiety | Lil Darkie | Anxiety – Single |
| 57 | Anxiety | Palaye Royale | The Bastards |
| 58 | Anxiety | Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit | The Nashville Sound |
| 59 | Anxiety | Besomorph & The Tech Thieves | Anxiety – Single |
| 60 | Anxiety | IDLES | Ultra Mono |
| 61 | Anxiety | TKO | Anxiety – Single |
| 62 | Anxiety | Joe Nester | Anxiety – Single |
| 63 | Anxiety | Coi Leray | Anxiety – Single |
| 64 | Anxiety | Eddy Current Suppression Ring | Rush To Relax |
| 65 | anxiety | Cat Burns | emotionally unavailable – EP |
| 66 | Anxiety (Bonus Track) | Q | Forest Green (Deluxe) |
| 67 | Anxiety | Krizz Kaliko | Vitiligo |
| 68 | Anxiety (feat. Ricky Armellino) | Currents | Life // Lost |
| 69 | Anxiety | Bad Religion | No Control |
| 70 | Anxiety (Interlude) | Josh A | Fearless |
| 71 | Anxiety (Burlinda’s Theme) | JoJo | trying not to think about it |
| 72 | Anxiety | Preoccupations | Preoccupations |
| 73 | Anxiety | Problematic | Anxiety – Single |
| 74 | Anxiety | Tohi & Poobon | Superstar |
| 75 | Anxiety | Ladyhawke | Anxiety |
| 76 | Anxiety | G-Eazy | Anxiety – Single |
| 77 | Anxiety | Malaya | Snoop Dogg Presents Algorithm |
| 78 | Panic | The Smiths | Louder Than Bombs |
| 79 | Panic | NOTD & Corbyn Besson | Panic – Single |
| 80 | Panic | From Ashes to New | Panic |
| 81 | Panic | Caravan Palace | Panic |
| 82 | Panic | annie hamilton | Annie Hamilton EP |
| 83 | Panic | L Devine | Growing Pains – EP |
| 84 | Panic | Sublime With Rome | Yours Truly |
| 85 | Panic! | Thomas Headon | wasn’t a fighting kid |
| 86 | Panic (feat. Sleepy hallow & Double G) | Sheff G | Panic (feat. Sleepy hallow & Do… |
| 87 | Panic | Backstreet Boys | Unbreakable |
| 88 | PANIC!!! | Paris Texas | MID AIR |
| 89 | Panic | No Mana & Jessica Ess | Panic – Single |
| 90 | Panic !!!!!!! | The Roots | Illadelph Halflife |
| 91 | Panic | SM6 | Panic – Single |
| 92 | PANIC (feat. Kay Flock) | KALIQ | PANIC (feat. Kay Flock) – Single |
| 93 | Panic | Krunk! & Dirt Cheap!!! | Panic – Single |
| 94 | Panic | Hands Like Houses | STRATO – EP |
| 95 | Panic | Forest Swords | Compassion |
| 96 | Panic (feat. Sy Ari Da Kid) | Lloyd Banks | The Course of the Inevitable |
| 97 | PANIC! | Smith & Myers | Volume 1 |
| 98 | Panic | Amy Lawton | Panic – Single |
| 99 | PANIC | Yonaka | PANIC – Single |
| 100 | Panic | Osker | Treatment 5 |
| 101 | Terror | Masta Ace Incorporated | Sittin’ On Chrome (Deluxe Edition) |
| 102 | Terror | $hoey & YGTUT | Four Two Three |
| 103 | Terror | Madchild & Sam Neider | Demons |
| 104 | Terror | Steady Holiday | Terror – EP |
| 105 | Terror | Demoz & Jedi Mind Tricks | A History of Violence |
| 106 | Terror! | The Rakes | Capture / Release |
| 107 | Terror | Bodega Bamz | PAPI |
| 108 | Terror (Mr Lif) | DJ Format | Statement of Intent |
| 109 | Terror | My Ruin | Speak & Destroy |
| 110 | Terror | Armored Saint | Raising Fear |
| 111 | Terror | KMFDM | Nihil |
| 112 | Terror | Herman Frank | Fight the Fear |
| 113 | Terror (Is a State of Mind) | In Letter Form | Fracture. Repair. Repeat. |
| 114 | Terror (1977) | Death SS | The Story Of Death SS 1977 – 1… |
| 115 | TERROR | RAIZHELL | TERROR – Single |
| 116 | Terror | Abtmelody | Minecraft Music |
| 117 | Terror | Nammy Wams | Paradise South |
| 118 | Terror | Lektrique | Terror – EP |
| 119 | Terror | Crossnaders & Tom Ferro | Terror – Single |
| 120 | Terror | We Are Magonia | Apocalypse |
| 121 | Terror | Tom Lyngcoln | Doming Home |
| 122 | tError | Synthwave Goose | Wild Planet |
| 123 | Terror | Revizia | Terror – Single |
| 124 | Terror (feat. Lazy Grey, Kings Konekted, Gaz Hazard… Kill Squad, Bigfoot & Overproof… | First Blood | |
| 125 | Telefon-Terror | Spliff | Schwarz Auf Weiss |
| 126 | Terror | Lara Project | Terror – Single |
| 127 | Terror | Axen & Wraith | Subsidia Night: Vol. 2 |
| 128 | Terror | 83hades | Area83 |
| 129 | Terror (feat. Dusty Boisjolie & Robbe Kok) | Deeds of Flesh | Nucleus |
| 130 | Terror | Dread Engine | Terror – Single |
| 131 | Terror | Muppy | Terror – Single |
| 132 | Terror | Rendah & Jenks | Fire in My Eyes – EP |
| 133 | Terror | Cris Velasco | Bloodborne (Original Soundtrack) |
| 134 | Terror | Dog Race | Terror – Single |
| 135 | TERROR | Skidz | TERROR – Single |
| 136 | Terror | Mr.Kitty | Unreal, Vol. 1 |
| 137 | T.n.T (Terror ‘n Tinseltown) [2024 Remaster] | Mötley Crüe | Dr. Feelgood (35th Anniversary)… |
| 138 | Terror | Evilnoiz | Subsidia Dusk: Vol. 2 |
| 139 | Terror | The Virus | Nowhere to Hide |
| 140 | Terror | Bernard Herrmann & Joel McNe… | The Day the Earth Stood Still (O… |
| 141 | Terror (feat. La Flaca) | Futuro Pelo | A Bigger Splash |
| 142 | Terror | Tianna Esperanza | Terror |
| 143 | Terror | Huntress | Spell Eater |
143 Song, 8 hours, 53 minutes
Pain and Sadness playlist[57]
Healing grief involves accessing the pain and sadness associated with the loss:
| # | Title | Artist | Album |
| 1 | Bad Day | Daniel Powter | Daniel Powter |
| 2 | I Guess That’s Why They Call It the Blues | Elton John | Too Low For Zero (Bonus Track… |
| 3 | Jessie | Joshua Kadison | Painted Desert Serenade |
| 4 | The Nips Are Getting Bigger | Mental as Anything | Get Wet |
| 5 | Happy Ending | Mika | Life in Cartoon Motion |
| 6 | Message in a Bottle | The Police | Every Breath You Take: The Cla… |
| 7 | I Hope I Never | Split Enz | |
| 8 | Yesterday | The Beatles | Help! |
| 9 | One Perfect Day | The Little Heroes | Play By Numbers |
| 10 | Everybody Hurts | R.E.M. | Automatic For The People |
| 11 | China in Your Hand | T’Pau | Heart and Soul – The Very Best… |
| 12 | Breakeven | The Script | The Script |
| 13 | Helping Hand | The Screaming Jets | Tear of Thought |
| 14 | Everything You Want | Vertical Horizon | Everything You Want |
| 15 | One | U2 | Achtung Baby |
| 16 | Lonely Boy | The Black Keys | El Camino |
| 17 | (Sittin’ On) The Dock of the Bay | Otis Redding | The Very Best of Otis Redding |
| 18 | Owner of a lonely heart | Yes | 90125 |
| 19 | Pain | Three Days Grace | One-X |
| 20 | Pain | Yungeen Ace | Life of Betrayal |
| 21 | pain (feat. Slug † Christ) | Lil Peep & Lil Tracy | castles – Single |
| 22 | Pain (feat. Stretch) | 2Pac | Above the Rim (Original Motion… |
| 23 | Pain | Josh A | Fearless |
| 24 | Pain | Savv4x | Problem Child |
| 25 | Pain | Nessa Barrett | Pain – Single |
| 26 | Pain | Chrystian Lehr | O3D |
| 27 | Pain | Jimmy Eat World | Futures |
| 28 | Pain | The War on Drugs | A Deeper Understanding |
| 29 | Pain (feat. Snoop Dogg) | De La Soul | and the Anonymous Nobody… |
| 30 | Pain (feat. OverDoz.) | A$AP Rocky | LONG.LIVE.A$AP (Deluxe Editi… |
| 31 | PAIN | King Princess | PAIN – Single |
| 32 | Pain (feat. Jordy Felix) | Flight Facilities & Jordy Felix | FOREVER |
| 33 | Pain (feat. Kaater) | Diljit Dosanjh | Con.Fi.Den.Tial |
| 34 | Pain (feat. Future) | Pusha T | My Name Is My Name |
| 35 | Pain | PinkPantheress | to hell with it |
| 36 | Pain (feat. josh pan) | SLUMBERJACK & TWERL | DICHOTOMY |
| 37 | Pain | Of Mice & Men | Cold World |
| 38 | Pain | Bugzy Malone | Walk With Me |
| 39 | Pain (Kina Remix) | Nessa Barrett | Pain (Kina Remix) – Single |
| 40 | Pain | The Used | Lies for the Liars |
| 41 | Pain | J.I the Prince of N.Y | Hood Life Krisis, Vol. 1 |
| 42 | Pain | Jaden | ERYS (Deluxe) |
| 43 | Pain | Mia Vaile & Star Party | Pain – Single |
| 44 | Pain | Ingrid Andress | Good Person |
| 45 | Pain | Soulfly | Primitive |
| 46 | Pain | Amy Wadge | Keeping Faith – EP |
| 47 | Pain | Stereomud | Perfect Self |
| 48 | Pain (feat. Kam Michael) | SadBoyProlific | Pain (feat. Kam Michael) – Single |
| 49 | PAIN | Night Lovell | GOODNIGHT LOVELL |
| 50 | Pain | Hollywood Undead | Swan Songs (Collector’s Edition) |
| 51 | Pain | Bino Rideaux & Nipsey Hussle | No Pressure |
| 52 | Pain | Boy Harsher | Lesser Man (Extended Version) |
| 53 | Pain | George Maple | Lover |
| 54 | Pain | Muni Long | Public Displays Of Affection: Th… |
| 55 | Pain (Remastered) | Puff Daddy | No Way Out (2014 Remaster) |
| 56 | Pain | Katchafire | Say What You’re Thinking |
| 57 | Pain (feat. Adam Vanhoose) | Yellopain | Pain (feat. Adam Vanhoose) – Si… |
| 58 | Pain | Paleface Swiss | Fear & Dagger |
| 59 | Pain | Everlast | White Trash Beautiful |
| 60 | Pain | Darko | Pain – Single |
| 61 | Loneliness (Radio Cut) | Tomcraft | Loneliness |
| 62 | Loneliness | Pet Shop Boys | Nonetheless (expanded edition) |
| 63 | Loneliness | Decalius | Dehumanizing Loneliness |
| 64 | Loneliness | Hardwell, DJs from Mars & Tom… | Loneliness – Single |
| 65 | Loneliness | Birdy | Young Heart |
| 66 | Loneliness (feat. Rittz) | Jelly Roll | Self Medicated |
| 67 | Loneliness | Putri Ariani | Loneliness – Single |
| 68 | Loneliness | G.E.M. | Loneliness – Single |
| 69 | Loneliness | Chronixx | Chronology |
| 70 | Loneliness (feat. Twin Shadow) | Zeds Dead | Northern Lights |
| 71 | Loneliness | Annie Lennox | Bare |
| 72 | Loneliness (Naruto) | Kato | Sleep Anime Lofi Beats |
| 73 | Loneliness | Karise Eden | Things I’ve Done |
| 74 | Loneliness | Loni | Loneliness – Single |
| 75 | Loneliness (feat. Francesca Lombardo) | Purple Disco Machine | Exotica (Deluxe) |
| 76 | Loneliness | Underoath | Erase Me (Deluxe Edition) |
| 77 | Loneliness | Yasuharu Takanashi | NARUTO SHIPPUDEN ORIGIN… |
| 78 | Loneliness (feat. Mondo Loops) | Living Room | Calm Land – EP |
| 79 | Loneliness (From “Naruto”) | Music Legends | Sad Anime Songs |
| 80 | Loneliness | Kevin Paris | Loneliness – Single |
| 81 | Loneliness | Kato | Naruto Vibes |
| 82 | Loneliness (feat. Mélanie Pain) | Nouvelle Vague | I Could Be Happy |
| 83 | Loneliness | Demon Hunter | Peace |
| 84 | Loneliness (Live Version) | Putri Ariani | Loneliness (Live Version) – Single |
| 85 | Loneliness (Chill House Mix) [with Bobo] | Blank & Jones | Relax Edition 2 |
| 86 | Loneliness | Bear’s Den | White Magnolias – EP |
| 87 | Loneliness | LXRY PXNK & CHMCL SØUP | Loneliness – Single |
| 88 | Loneliness | Don Chu | Loneliness |
| 89 | Loneliness (Winter) | Wintersun | The Forest Seasons |
| 90 | Loneliness | Ginger Root | Nisemono – EP |
| 91 | Loneliness (feat. BMT) | Saii Kay | Ivarvatut |
| 92 | Loneliness | Kate Hindle | Loneliness – Single |
| 93 | Loneliness (with Bobo) | Blank & Jones | Relax Edition 2 |
| 94 | Loneliness | Grady Guan | Loneliness (Special Edition) |
| 95 | Loneliness | Aktivate | Maximum Energy (Mixed by Ale… |
| 96 | Loneliness | Rude | Loneliness – Single |
| 97 | Sadness | Little Dragon | New Me, Same Us |
| 98 | Sadness | Noah Cyrus | Good Cry – EP |
| 99 | Sadness | Chill Beats Music, Screen Jazz… | Jazzhop to Chill To |
| 100 | Sadness | Porno for Pyros | Porno for Pyros |
| 101 | Sadness (feat. Chloe Campbell) | Black Summer | Sadness (feat. Chloe Campbell)… |
| 102 | Sadness | Cato | Piano Songs for Lonely Nights |
| 103 | Sadness | New Found Glory | Radiosurgery (Deluxe Edition) |
| 104 | Sadness | Matt Nathanson | Sings His Sad Heart |
| 105 | Sadness | Connor Duermit | Sadness – Single |
| 106 | SADNESS | ROMANTICA | SADNESS – Single |
| 107 | Sadness | Jonny Craig | The Places We’ll Never Be |
| 108 | Sadness | Done For Good & Poor Man’s P… | The Cycle |
| 109 | Sadness | Ledapple | Sadness – Single |
| 110 | Sadness (Highpass Deep Edit) | Skybar | Sadness – Single |
| 111 | Sadness (PF String Version) | Oh Joon Sung | Faith (Original Television Sound… |
| 112 | Sadness | AShamaluevMusic | Dramatic and Sad Music |
| 113 | Sadness | Shigeru Kishida | Rilakkuma and Kaoru (Original… |
| 114 | Sadness | Selah Sue | Reason |
| 115 | Sadness | Bruno Coulais & Kíla | Song of the Sea (Original Motio… |
| 116 | Sadness | Be like a dry tree which again s… | Sadness (Remake of Youth 3: O… |
| 117 | Sadness | 9 and the Numbers | Solitude and Solidarity |
| 118 | Sadness (Intro) | Fil Bo Riva | Beautiful Sadness (Deluxe Editi… |
| 119 | Sadness | Ömer Bükülmezoğlu | Sadness – Single |
| 120 | Sadness | Kato | Anime & Sleep |
| 121 | Long Time | Wild Rivers | Sidelines |
121 Songs, 7.5 hours
Christianity Trauma Playlist[58]
My parent’s deaths resurrected trauma from my childhood Christian indoctrination:
| # | Title | Artist | Album |
| 1 | Drops of Jupiter (Tell Me) | Train | Drops of Jupiter |
| 2 | Dear God | XTC | Skylarking (Remastered) |
| 3 | God Is A Freak | Peach PRC | God Is A Freak – Single |
| 4 | Right and Wrong | Joe Jackson | Greatest Hits (Remastered) |
| 5 | Streets of London | Ralph McTell | Spiral Staircase (Expanded Edit… |
| 6 | He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother | The Hollies | The Best of the Hollies |
| 7 | Turn | Paul Colman Trio | New Map of the World |
| 8 | Temptation | Heaven 17 | The Luxury Gap |
| 9 | Who Will Save Your Soul | Jewel | Pieces Of You (25th Anniversar… |
| 10 | God Only Knows | for KING & COUNTRY | Burn The Ships |
| 11 | Holy Moses | Meg Washington | Insomnia |
| 12 | God Only Knows | The Beach Boys | Pet Sounds (50th Anniversary D… |
| 13 | God is Really Real | AJR | God is Really Real – Single |
| 14 | Wisemen | James Blunt | Back To Bedlam |
14 Songs, 52.4 minutes
Other Playlists
These included songs I resonated with strongly that had multiple cover versions:
| # | Title | Original Artist | Rationale |
| 1 | Mother Grief[59] | Various artists | Songs expressing grief about my mother’s death |
| 2 | Childhood Trauma[60] | Various artists | A lot of my grief involved triggering unhealed childhood trauma |
| 3 | Time To Say Goodbye[61] | Sarah Brightman | Played to both my parent’s dead bodies |
| 4 | Wayfaring Stranger[62] | Traditional | About death and seeing late parents again |
| 5 | Going Home[63] | Mark Knopfler | Songs about going home literally, or metaphorically about death |
| 6 | Feelings[64] | Various artists | Grief involves overwhelming feelings, and many artists have written songs by this title |
| 7 | Nobody Knows You When You’re Down and Out[65] | Traditional | Loss causes social isolation |
| 8 | My Father’s House[66] | Bruce Springsteen | Song about visiting his father’s house in a dream really resonates with me |
| 9 | Wish You Were Here[67] | Pink Floyd | How I have often felt about my father since his death. Many other artists have covered the song or written songs of their own with the same names that echo the sentiment. |
| 10 | Post Traumatic Growth[68] | Various artists | Expresses hope and optimism for the future |
[1] A YouTube playlist containing the songs cited in the order of citation is available for your listening pleasure: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLz3iBt-WEViQBaKRLA3LX7vfMVMzPhX6_&si=PjKwukYIbHKTXqqV
[2] I’ve chosen to capitalise “Dad” and “Mum” when used in the context of a noun because to my inner child that is their names.
[3] John Lennon, “Nobody Told Me,” in Milk and Honey (Polydor, 1984). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuuhsqA95iA.
[4] The Beatles, “Let It Be,” in Let It Be (Apple Records, 1970). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGj85pVzRJs.
[5] Peter Gabriel, “In Your Eyes,” in So (1986). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kU8OJAOMbPg.
[6] “The Goon Show,,” (BBC Home Service, 1951-1960), Radio. https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0072vdz.
[7] Monty Python, “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life,” in Monty Python’s Life of Brian (1979). https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=X_-q9xeOgG4.
[8] Sarah Brightman, “Time to Say Goodbye (English),” (2008). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDrlwxJt0yk.
[9] John Newton, “Amazing Grace,” in Olney Hymns (Newton and Cowper, 1779). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NG0vH4WYChQ.
[10] Coldplay, “Fix You,” in X&Y (2005). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4V3Mo61fJM.
[11] ABC TV, Rage, episode 2 Dec 2024 1987-, on ABC TV. https://www.abc.net.au/rage.
[12] Countdown, 1974-1987, on ABC TV. https://iview.abc.net.au/show/classic-countdown/.
[13] Billy Joel, “Prelude/Angry Young Man,” in Turnstiles (Columbia, 1976). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkUZGt7MhBE.
[14] Rage Against The Machine, “Killing In The Name,” in Rage Against The Machine (Epic, 1992). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWXazVhlyxQ.
[15] “Hairy Göblins,” 2024, accessed 6 Dec 2024, https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100095510951827.
[16] Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From surviving to thriving (Azure Coyote, 2013), 6.
[17] Apple, Inc. “Apple Music,” 2024, accessed 3 Dec 2024, https://www.apple.com/apple-music/.
[18] The grief playlists are included as an Appendix: Grief Playlists. For the full playlist see Graham Stoney, “Dead Parents playlist,” (Apple Music, 2024). https://music.apple.com/au/playlist/dead-parents/pl.u-pMylARMC4Ye0dRx.
[19] Harry Chapin, “Cat’s In The Cradle,” in Verities & Balderdash (1974). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxRh7pqXSaI.
[20] Steve Winwood, “Valerie,” in Talking Back to the Night (1982). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbKNICg-REA.
[21] Mark Ronson, “Valerie (ft. Amy Winehouse),” in Version (Columbia, 2007). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bixuI_GV5I0.
[22] XTC, “Dear God,” in Skylarking (Virgin, 1986). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p554R-Jq43A.
[23] Jimmy Ruffin, “What Becomes of the Brokenhearted,” in Sings Top Ten (1967). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZfnKqAGlfY.
[24] Ultimate Guitar USA LLC. “Ultimate Guitar,” 2024, accessed 6 Dec 2024, https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/.
[25] Francine Shapiro, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): Basic Principles, Protocols, and Procedures (Guilford Press, 2001).
[26] Peter A Levine and Ann Frederick, Waking the tiger: Healing trauma: The innate capacity to transform overwhelming experiences (North Atlantic Books, 1997).
[27] Jacques Rooke, “The restorative effects of ecstatic dance: a qualitative study” (Bachelor of Arts DBS School of Arts, 2014), https://esource.dbs.ie/bitstream/10788/2284/1/ba_rooke_j_2014.pdf.
[28] Enid Welford, “Giving the Dead Their Rightful Place:Grief Work with the Family System,” Transactional Analysis Journal 44, no. 4 (2014), https://doi.org/10.1177/0362153714559920.
[29] The Mankind Project. “ManKind Project: Men’s Community for the 21st Century,” The ManKind Project, 2024, accessed 15 Nov, 2024, https://mankindproject.org/.
[30] Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families. “Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families,” 2024, accessed 15 Nov 2024, https://adultchildren.org/.
[31] Graham Stoney, “Shock To The System,” (Unpublished, 2023).
[32] Graham Stoney, “Everything Is Fucked,” (2017). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wO6kkgy6LP4.
[33] Coldplay and Selena Gomez, “Let Somebody Go,” in Music of the Spheres (2022). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWCMGIG1Y54.
[34] Tina Arena and David Tyson, “Now I Can Dance,” in In Deep (1997). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDpFXzeVFO4.
[35] The Beatles, “Let It Be.”
[36] Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, On Death and Dying, 1 ed. (Florence: Routledge, 1969).
[37] Kübler-Ross, On Death and Dying, 153.
[38] Dianne L Chambless and Thomas H Ollendick, “Empirically supported psychological interventions: Controversies and evidence,” Annual review of psychology 52, no. 1 (2001).
[39] Ruth Bright, “Music therapy in grief resolution,” Bulletin of the Menninger Clinic 63, no. 4 (1999): 484.
[40] Tia DeNora, “The Unsung Work of Music Sociology?,” in Roads to Music Sociology, ed. Alfred Smudits, Musik und Gesellschaft (Germany: Springer, 2018).
[41] Tia DeNora, Music Asylums: Wellbeing Through Music in Everyday Life, 1st ed., Music and Change: Ecological Perspectives, (Burlington, Vt: Routledge, 2013).
[42] Concetta M. Tomaino, “Music Therapy and the Brain,” in Music Therapy Handbook (Guildford Publications, 2015).
[43] Jaak Panksepp, Affective neuroscience: The foundations of human and animal emotions (Oxford university press, 2004).
[44] Stephen W. Porges, The polyvagal theory : neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation, 1st ed., The Norton series on interpersonal neurobiology, (New York: W.W. Norton, 2011).
[45] DeNora, Music Asylums: Wellbeing Through Music in Everyday Life, 47.
[46] Diana Fosha et al., The healing power of emotion: Affective neuroscience, development & clinical practice, ed. Diana Fosha, Daniel J Siegel, and Marion F Solomon (W.W. Norton & Company, 2009).
[47] Gabor Maté and Daniel Maté, The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, & Healing in a Toxic Culture (New York: Avery, an imprint of Penguin Random House, 2022).
[48] Daniel J. Levitin, This Is Your Brain on Music: The Science of a Human Obsession (Plume/Penguin, 2007).
[49] Bright, “Music therapy in grief resolution,” 483.
[50] DeNora, “The Unsung Work of Music Sociology?,” 133.
[51] Bright, “Music therapy in grief resolution.”
[52] Dead Parents playlist: https://music.apple.com/au/playlist/dead-parents/pl.u-pMylARMC4Ye0dRx
[53] Father Grief playlist: https://music.apple.com/au/playlist/father-grief/pl.u-yZyVVKAsYzoWbP9
[54] Grief and Loss playlist: https://music.apple.com/au/playlist/grief-and-loss/pl.u-EdAVvvqCaXAGVL5
[55] Anger and rage playlist: https://music.apple.com/au/playlist/anger-and-rage/pl.u-qxyl076T2XMlNL0
[56] Fear and Terror playlist: https://music.apple.com/au/playlist/fear-and-anxiety/pl.u-4JomKgmFaMljRKG
[57] Pain and Sadness playlist: https://music.apple.com/au/playlist/pain-and-sadness/pl.u-4Jomz12taMljRKG
[58] Christianity Trauma playlist: https://music.apple.com/au/playlist/christianity-trauma/pl.u-yZyVPb3sYzoWbP9
[59] Mother Grief playlist: https://music.apple.com/au/playlist/mother-grief/pl.u-XkD00l0UD4JNXdR
[60] Childhood Trauma playlist: https://music.apple.com/au/playlist/childhood-trauma/pl.u-55D6PjKh8YLxmzg
[61] Time To Say Goodbye playlist: https://music.apple.com/au/playlist/time-to-say-goodbye/pl.u-yZyVP1rsYzoWbP9
[62] Wayfaring Stranger playlist: https://music.apple.com/au/playlist/wayfaring-stranger/pl.u-EdAVv0GTaXAGVL5
[63] Going Home playlist: https://music.apple.com/au/playlist/wayfaring-stranger/pl.u-EdAVv0GTaXAGVL5
[64] Feelings playlist: https://music.apple.com/au/playlist/feelings/pl.u-MDAWeb3uW4dRNPJ
[65] Nobody Knows You When You’re Down and Out playlist: https://music.apple.com/au/playlist/feelings/pl.u-MDAWeb3uW4dRNPJ
[66] My Father’s House playlist: https://music.apple.com/au/playlist/my-fathers-house/pl.u-MDAWe66FW4dRNPJ
[67] Wish You Were Here playlist: https://music.apple.com/au/playlist/wish-you-were-here/pl.u-EdAVvaVtaXAGVL5
[68] Post traumatic growth playlist: https://music.apple.com/au/playlist/post-traumatic-growth/pl.u-XkD0YJLID4JNXdR
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