How To Stay Sane When Dealing With Centrelink, myGov and The ATO Online

Centrelink has been in the news lately with reports that dealing with them is “frustrating as hell” and that “the system seems designed to stop people using it”. An Adelaide man became so frustrated that he launched into a tirade at a Centrelink office. Thankfully we don’t have semi-automatic weapons widely available in Australia because the frustration of dealing with government bureaucracy can make even the most sane person want to go postal.

I used to think that people who complained about Centrelink were simply biting the hand that feeds. It’s a government department that gives you money for doing… well, not very much. So why shouldn’t there be a few hoops to jump through in order to proved that you’re genuinely eligible and keep the fraudsters from our hard earned tax dollars?

Well I changed my mind somewhat recently after actually having to deal with Centrelink myself while applying for a Low Income Health Care Card. I’d been to the doctor the week before in my continuing quest to find why I feel exhausted all the time, and the blood test results showed that I had a high level of cortisol, a primary stress hormone.

Given that I’m currently a full-time student enrolled in Music Performance at Ultimo TAFE, I have a very low income and recently realised that I met the eligibility criteria for a the card which would come in very handy in reducing my medical expenses dealing with the exhaustion/cortisol issue. So I thought I’d apply.

Fortunately I had started my day with some calming meditation, because I was going to need it.

My first port of call was the Department of Human Services website, which makes the application process look pretty easy online. It says that I have to go to a Centrelink office if I don’t already have a Centrelink Customer Reference Number, but I manage to find a link to the Centrelink Online Services Registration page where I appeared to be able create an account without one. I figured that I could confirm my identity by uploading the identification documents Centrelink need without having to actually visit an office. After all, we’re in the 21^st century, and we have the Internet now, right?

However, this is before myGov, the centralised Australian government information portal that has managed to cripple all federal government online services, gets involved. In order to log into my new Centrelink account I need to link it to my myGov account. I already have a myGov account since I needed one to lodge my personal tax return through the ATO; something that wasn’t required back in the good old e-Tax days when online stuff seemed to actually work.

I follow the instructions to link my new Centrelink account to my myGov account, and at first it seems to work. But then I notice that the “Upload documents” button I will need to submit my three identification documents is missing. “Oh well”, I figure, “Perhaps I can verify my identity later”.

When I’m thwarted in life some way, I try my best to work around the problem and get what I need done regardless. If that fails, I go do something else productive instead and come back later. I did have access to the “submit claim” button required to create a claim for my Low Income Health Care Card on the Centrelink account dashboard, so I plough ahead. But on creating my claim, I get this error message:

One of the world’s least helpful error messages

I wait a couple of days and try again; same error message. So I submit a help desk request with all the details necessary for them to fix the problem. Instead of fixing the problem causing the error message, they call me while I’m in a recording studio at college and my phone is on silent. There’s no caller Id and they don’t even leave a message so I can’t call the person handling the case back directly.

I also get an email saying:

From: NO.REPLY <NO.REPLY@humanservices.gov.au>

Subject: Please call us about your recent enquiry [SEC=UNCLASSIFIED]

Please DO NOT REPLY by email as this mailbox is not monitored.

This message is from the Department of Human Services.

We are writing to you about the enquiry you submitted through our website.

We tried to call you to provide assistance but were unsuccessful.

More information

If you still need assistance, please call us on 132 307 (call charges may apply).

For more information, please go to the Australian Government Department of Human Services website.

That’s about as unfriendly and impersonal an email as you’re ever likely to get. It’s not from an individual so I can’t reply to the person who has sent it, or the person who has tried to call and would hopefully be handling my case. It’s not even from a monitored email address. It screams “DO NOT REPLY”. It says to go to the Department of Human Services website for more information, but doesn’t include a link to say which of the many pages on that website is relevant to resolving my problem.

I log on to Centrelink and find that the error message still persists, so I call 132 307 as instructed to see if they can help. I speak to a very friendly customer service person who says that some part of the system is probably down and I should try again later. I explain that I’ve already waited a few days and the problem hasn’t gone away. She’s courteous but can’t help, but she can put me through to someone who supposedly can.

In the process my call drops out. I don’t call back because I can feel my cortisol rising, and that’s the exact thing I want the card to help fix, not worsen.

In my frustration I publish the following demonstrably witty tweet:

What’s really amazing about the @Centrelink website isn’t the fact that it doesn’t work as I expected it would, but the fact that I expected that it would work in the first place.

— Graham Stoney (@GrahamStoney) March 21, 2018

Lo and behold, @Centrelink reply:

Hi Graham, what issue are you having with your Centrelink online account through myGov? We'll do our best to help here if you let us know.

— Centrelink (@Centrelink) March 21, 2018

I respond with the basics of the problem:

Thanks for your reply @Centrelink. Please check the message I sent via the general Centrelink enquiry online contact form 4 days ago about the "Centrelink Online Accounts are currently unavailable" error message I'm getting with all the details. I'm still getting it 4 days later.

— Graham Stoney (@GrahamStoney) March 22, 2018

And @Centrelink replies:

Hi again, Graham. We can't access records when we're contacted through Twitter, so we're not able to check the message you've sent online. However, we'll still try and help. Please check first that you're using a supported browser and let us know. More: https://t.co/erfjisrMmH

— Centrelink (@Centrelink) March 22, 2018

I’m using the Chrome browser, and it is on the supported browsers list. That’s clearly not the problem. The @Centrelink twitter account doesn’t accept direct messages and I don’t want to disclose any more of my private information publicly on twitter so there’s no way for me to continue the conversation with them. Plus, they’ve just said they don’t have access to records anyway, so I can’t see how they can possibly help. Henre I don’t reply.

I decide to take Human Service Minister Alan Trudge’s advice and visit a Centrelink office to get this sorted out instead, since I’ll “only have to wait 10 minutes”. I’m heading that direction for a doctor’s appointment anyway, and surely an actual human would just be able to assess my claim in person. I arrive at about 10AM, hoping to beat the lunchtime rush.

Fortunately I take “The Hobbit” along, since I end up waiting about an hour.

I recommend taking an epic fantasy novel to help pass the time while waiting at Centrelink

The initial contact is quick enough: there’s a very short queue to talk to a reception guy who is busy explaining to a female customer that she hasn’t filled her form in correctly and it will probably be sent straight back to her. She goes to great lengths to justify why she’s filled it in the way she has, and he politely explains what she needs to do in order to fill the form in correctly. This leads her into further justification of why she shouldn’t have to fill the form in the way he’s describing. Eventually he gives up, accepts the form as-is and puts it into the submission box where presumably someone else will deal with it later.

“I’d like to apply for a Low Income Health Care Card please”, I say to reception guy.

“You can do that online, you know”, he replies helpfully.

“Yes, but I get an error message”, I say hopefully.

He takes my name, and I begin my “10 minute” wait.

During which time Bilbo and the dwarves battle the giant spiders, get captured by the wood-elf king, spend a few weeks in captivity and finally escape down the river in a bunch of empty barrels.

Eventually another friendly Centrelink staff member calls my name and I explain why I’m there.

“You can do that online, you know”, she says.

“Yes, but I get an error message”, I reply with an unbounded sense of optimism that she will be able to fix the error message and somehow sort this all out.

We talk for a while about all the Centrelink benefits that I’m not eligible for because I own a place that I don’t want to live in and can’t afford to own the place that I do. During this time she verifies my identification. I mention that I have Chronic Fatigue, and am only just managing to cope with full-time study; which unfortunately makes me ineligible for any kind of sickness benefit. I guess if I just lay on the couch doing nothing all day it would be a different story; but I did that for a few years and it sends you insane. Nevertheless, she seems very friendly and patient.

“Chronic Fatigue… that must be a bummer”, she says, which is possibly the most compassionate and empathic response I think I’ve ever received about it from someone who didn’t also have it. She mentioned that she had glandular fever for months and how much that sucked. I briefly contemplate asking her out.

She explains that the problem is that my Centrelink account isn’t linked to my myGov account properly. We have to unlink them and relink them using a secret “linking code” that’s only available to Centrelink staff.

I don’t know how Centrelink staff do it; putting up with this sort of thing all day.

Ms Friendly leads me over to a computer where I log in to my myGov account, unlink and relink my Centrelink account; this time with the linking code.

I go to start a new claim… and it seems to work! I am overjoyed, even more than I was when I read about the dwarves escaping in the barrels. It takes a while to enter all the details required, and I’m running terribly late by now but I figure that since things finally seem to be working out between myGov, Centerlink Online and me, I better take advantage of it.

I’m about 90% of the way through entering my claim when the screen goes blank and the myGov login screen suddenly appears. The same thing happens to the guy next to me too. Not to be perturbed, I persist. Another staff member who is assisting the guy next to me suggests that I log back in and try again. She mentions in passing that I could also print the paper-based claim form and do it that way, but I’m reluctant to waste 30 pages of paper on something that should be possible to do online in the 21^st century; right?

I persist electronically hoping that my mostly-complete clam has been saved and I don’t have to start all over again. I log back in and click “Continue Claim”, and guess what appears?

Oh no, not again

Nooooooo! It’s the same error message I was getting at home that caused me to come into the office in the first place.

I feel my stress level rising and I return to Ms Friendly seeking help, and she say’s I’ll need to talk to someone from the myGov help desk, which I can do via the Centrelink phones. She even dials the number the call for me.

I talk to yet another friendly, courteous person on the myGov helpdesk who asks my Centrelink CRN. I mistakenly give her the old pre-liking-code one I had saved in my iPhone, and she says I need to unlink and relink the myGov and Centrelink accounts.

“It’s good you’re at Centrelink though because you’ll need a linking code from them”, she says.

“I’m pretty sure we’ve already done that”, I respond, “But I’m happy to give it another try”

I grab Ms Friendly again, who also seems rather perplexed about the whole thing by this stage, and has moved on to helping another customer by now. But she remains helpful and professional, generates me a new linking code and helps me unlink and relink the accounts.

I still get the same error message though. I try to remain calm, wondering how my cortisol levels are going. The fact that I’m now over an hour later than I planned to be for my doctor’s appointment, not to mention the friend from college who is supposed to be coming around to my place this afternoon to practise music with me, probably isn’t helping.

I gave up Computer Engineering because I couldn’t stand the headaches and social isolation sitting in front of a screen all the time. Perhaps the universe is still sending me a message: “Get off the computer Graham!”.

“Fuck the planet, I’m printing the damn form”, I decide, “I’ll fill it in manually and let the back-office staff deal with this electronic bullshit.”

I waste 30 pages of Centrelink paper printing the form and head off to the doctors, thanking Ms Friendly for all her assistance.

“Well… you found the form actually”, she said as I left. I don’t bother pointing out that her colleague had actually pointed me to it.

I head to the doctor, and text my friend from college who was supposed to be coming around for music practice. When I explain that I’ve been to Centrelink, she suggests that we abort our mission and reschedule. She gets it.

Back home over the next week I have a few more one-last-goes at completing my claim online, but I still get same useless error message every time when attempting it. I send in another help desk request, but don’t ever hear back this time.

Let’s try this the old-fashioned way

So I have a go at filling in the paper form instead. I notice that the PDF version is not a fill-able form, so I was right to print it. If it was fill-able I could at least fill it in online and upload the result. But it’s not, my scanner is broken and I can’t be bothered photographing every page with my iPhone. Plus I’m sick of all the online nonsense by now.

The form tells me I need to attach a “Mod F” form describing my online business, which I manage to find online fairly easily; and this one is a fill-able PDF form. I could almost have done this online after all.

Except I also need to attach a copy of my personal income tax return for last year.

“That should be easy enough”, I think as I log in to the ATO website via myGov.

I go to my income tax history and hit “view details” under last year’s return. It brings up a summary page with a “Print or Save” button at the bottom, which I press assuming that it will enable me to download the tax return so I can upload it as a document to the Centrelink dashboard.

After two seconds of blank anticipation the details of my tax return appear. But there’s no “Save” button, and “Save as” on the browser menu is disabled. When I try “Save as” on the “Print or Save” button on the previous page, I get an HTML file that won’t open. There doesn’t appear to be any easy way to download a tax return from the ATO website. I could print it and scan it in again, but like I’ve already said, my scanner is broken. Thwarted at every turn.

It’s only while writing this article, which I did mainly to get the rage out of my system so my cortisol level can go back down again, that it occurred to me that Windows 10 has a “Save as PDF” printer built-in. So I print the page using destination “Save as PDF” and end up with a PDF copy of my tax return… and I’ve at least killed one of my own giant spiders for the day.

Over the next couple of weeks I try a few more times to continue my claim online, and get the same error message. One morning while meditating I feel a surge of unfounded optimism accompanied by the urge to call the Centrelink Help Desk number again to see if they could now resolve the problem. After a few minutes on hold, the guy I speak to is very polite and helpful, but unable to find any reason for the error message. He puts me through to the Low Income Health Care Card department to see if they could handle my claim.

After waiting the magic 10 minutes wait-time on hold, I decide that filling in the paper form to drop into my local Centrelink office would be a better use of my time; and hung up.

It seems that Pas Forgione was right, and the system is indeed designed to stop people using it.

Back when I was a computer engineer, we used tools like use cases, integration testing and beta test platforms to ensure that things worked before they were rolled out en-masse to an unsuspecting public. In this case for instance, a use case analysis would have identified that being able to download a copy of a tax return from the ATO is a necessary system function for the user to complete the task. I suspect that the underlying problem here is that the top System Analysts, Engineers and Information Technology people are working at places like Google, Apple and Atlassian; not myGov, Centrelink or the ATO.

In support of Centrelink customer service staff though, I’d have to say that everyone I’ve dealt with has been friendly, professional and as helpful as the system would allow them to be. The problem is that the system is so broken that none of them could actually help progress my claim. Time spent dealing with Centrelink is time not spent either studying or working on my online business, dragging my income down even further.

The complete application runs to about 70 pages

Nevertheless, with a combination of persistence and good old fashioned paperwork, I completed my application for a Low Income Health Care Card, and dropped it in to my local Centrelink office. It turns out you really do only have to wait 10 minutes if you get there really early, and are only dropping in a form.

A couple of weeks later, look what arrived in the mail. Not the email, or the myGov mail; the real postal mail:

There is a God

Mission accomplished.

So how do you stay sane while dealing with Centrelink, myGov and ATO Online?

I don’t really know because I haven’t managed it myself. All I can do is offer some suggestions for dealing with the trauma:

• Meditate. Do Qi Gong. Every day: You need to be prepared for this kind of shit, and that takes daily practise.
• Break the problem down into small steps. Take whatever steps you can take, today.
• If you can’t make any further progress today, come back tomorrow.
• Try another approach: If the online service isn’t working, get hold of the paper form and fill that in instead.
• Write about it. Get it out of your system.
• Do something productive and rewarding with the rest of your life.
• Spend time with positive, supportive people.
• Play music. Go to the beach.
• Remember that there is life outside government bureaucracy.