My 12 Rules For Your Life

In response to Jordan Peterson’s recent phenomenally successful best-seller 12 Rules For Life, I thought I’d put out a few ideas of my own on how to live the good life. I don’t know if they’ll provide an antidote to the chaos in your life because they’re mostly aimed at keeping it out of mine.

Strap yourself in:

1. Move Down The Back Of The Bus

For fuck’s sake people, there are other humans that want to get on the bus after you and you’re blocking the whole goddam aisle. The universe does not revolve around you just because you’re not paying attention. Who brought you up anyway?

2. If You’re Tired All The Time Do A Sleep Study

If you’re tired all the time you may have sleep apnea. It turns out that I do, despite the fact that I don’t have any of the risk factors. I went through 10 years of hell that I’m not getting back before being properly diagnosed. Don’t trust those overnight sleep oximetry monitors; they only pick up apnea’s, not hypopneas. Sleep apnea could be ruining your life and you wouldn’t even know because you’re asleep; sort of. If you feel exhausted all the time, get a comprehensive sleep study done.

3. Stop Telling Other People What To Do

It’s fucking annoying having you constantly telling other people what to do all the time, especially when your own life is still a mess. Take the good doctor’s advice and clean up your room. Self-righteous social justice warriors are the worst hypocritical offenders: you think other people’s intolerance is based on prejudice, when really people hate you because you act like a dickhead.

4. Forgive Your Parents

For fuck’s sake, are you still blaming your parents for your shitty life? It’s time to forgive and move on. And I mean really forgive, not just moving interstate or busying yourself so much that you don’t have to deal with them. Get yourself some emotional healing and quit dumping your unhealed insecurities on other people all the time. In short, grow up.

5. Stop Doubting Yourself

All that self-doubt bullshit in your head is not helping you or anyone else. Quit whining in your internal dialogue and start living. Forget about what other people think; they’re idiots. Most people’s IQ is only average or below. Their opinion doesn’t matter. Get over it.

6. Do Something You’re Proud Of

Life is too short not to do things that make you feel good. Take a risk and do something that makes you proud. If it fails, at least you had a go. If it succeeds, you win. If it contributes to other people’s lives, all the better.

Stop playing it safe or living by other people’s rules all the time. Learn to follow your internal guidance on what makes life meaningful for you. Stop wasting your valuable time reading other people’s shit on the internet, like this for instance.

7. Stop Whining About Your Job

If you hate your job, your boss or your colleagues, quit. But most importantly, quit whining to me about it.

Of course you should temper this advice with some common sense. I hate my boss sometimes: he can be a real arrogant, self-righteous prick. But he’s also adventurous, creative and can be awesome fun to work with. Obviously, I’m self-employed.

Don’t quit just because you’re having a single bad day at the office but if you’re consistently hating what you’re doing, get out. Nobody’s forcing you to stay.

8. If Something Isn’t Working, Move On

If there’s something in your life that isn’t working, move on. Life is too short to stick with a career, relationship or hobby that you hate.

This is really a generalisation of my rule #7. Nobody other than you is forcing you to live the life you’re currently living, chronic health problems notwithstanding. Virtually everything else comes down to the consequences of our own choices.

Stop playing victim and start designing the life of your dreams rather than living someone else’s nightmares.

9. Learn To Be Persistent

Persistence and resilience are key strengths for a successful life. Very little of meaningful value can be achieved without persistence.

Few people achieve overnight success; most labour long and hard behind the scenes before breaking into the big time. Sure, some people are luckier than others and some have the advantage of certain privileges, but don’t underestimate the importance of hard work.

If you give up at the first difficulty you’ll never get anywhere in anything. If this rule seems the exact opposite of #8, that’s because it is. Which brings me to…

10. Learn To Deal With Life’s Paradoxes

For every profound truth, the polar opposite is usually also true. For example, there is no God. But your life might work better if you acted as if there was. Being wishy-washy about it, on the other hand, doesn’t cut it. The Christian bible says that God is love, and the more love you have in your life the happier you’re likely to be. So start believing, buddy.

Of course the bible also says a bunch of other stuff much of which is mutually contradictory, so the trick is to know how to separate the wheat from the chaff. To do this you have to learn to think for yourself and accept the inherent paradoxes in life.

Given that I’m an atheist, that was a pretty crap example but did you spot the self-referential paradox regarding biblical interpretation? I love that theology shit; you can use it to support any premise.

11. Quit Playing Victim

I don’t know why I didn’t make this #1, because it’s pretty damn important. But then, so is moving down the back of the fucking bus. Nevertheless I have at least already alluded to the fact that playing victim to the circumstances of your life isn’t a powerful strategy for personal fulfillment.

I don’t know what has happened to you and I get that most of it wasn’t your fault or your responsibility, but if you’re going to keep whining about it then for god’s sake go find a decent therapist you can pay to listen to it and who can help you move on. You’re not responsible for what has happened to you but you sure as hell are responsible for how you deal with it.

12. Stop Taking Everything So Seriously

Life is a game and it’s filled with paradoxes, risks and inconsistencies. It’s also filled with love, peace and joy; albeit usually at different times. Suffering is part of the package. We are all humans and humans get upset when things don’t go our way. But one thing that magnifies suffering is when we take life too seriously.

Quit getting all offended just because someone expresses a viewpoint that you happen to disagree with. Focus on making your own life great and learn how to play the game regardless of what other people think and do. Don’t go acting in ways that make everything worse just because you’re pissed off. This point is a consistent theme in Dr Peterson’s philosophy and it’s definitely worth stealing so I’m going to use it to wrap up with.

There, I just saved you $25.