10 Steps To Instant Confidence

You’ve probably come across plenty of fancy websites with slick videos offering you instant confidence in return for some of your hard earned cash. Skeptical? Don’t be! Just because you’ve struggled with anxiety and low self-esteem all your life is no reason to doubt those online testimonials claiming overnight success.

Why shouldn’t you be able to undo years of negative programming in an instant?

Don’t waste time and energy delving into negative beliefs, exploring your emotions in therapy, expanding your comfort zone, learning social skills or doing dicky things like public speaking, when you can have 100% Instant Confidence just by following these 10 fun, easy steps:

Be like this guy… Instantly!

#1: Get a Brain Transplant

Confidence is all in the mind. Rather than wasting your time and effort healing trauma, developing your “mindset” or working on your “subconscious”, why not just swap yours with someone else and start living up to their full potential? It might cost a bit, but boy is it quick and easy. It only needs to be a simple brain. Plenty of starving people will happily take your money in exchange for a bit of gray matter with more potential than what’s currently running your life. If you’re lucky, you might even end up with a brain that speaks English.

#2: Become a Movie Star

Guys, I know the real reason you want more confidence is so you can get laid. I get that. Well why not just go the direct route and become a movie star? They get laid all the time, without even trying. There’s no training or skill involved, and hardly any competition. Just ask that girl on The Big Bang Theory.

#3: Avoid The Things You Fear

Confidence and peace of mind pretty much go hand in hand. The key to peace of mind is to avoid anything that causes you fear, upset or emotional pain. Massive doses of meditation in solitude is great for this. Never mind that you’ll lose your social skills and become a complete introvert. You’ll be happy because although your emotional baggage won’t ever get resolved, it won’t get triggered any more either.

If you’re a guy wanting to overcome your anxiety about approaching women, whatever you do don’t actually try talking to women you find attractive. That would just be weird. Buy an ebook about it and stay home reading that on Saturday night instead.

#4: Learn To Spell NLP

Neuro Linguistic Programming has all the answers you need for instant confidence. Plus it’s got a fancy title and you can become a practitioner without having to go through all crap they make real psychologists study at university. Just model Bandler & Grinder for a fee and you’ll be helping other people with their confidence before you know it!

#5: Do Some Public Speaking

Sure, learning public speaking is a tried and tested way to build self-confidence, but it’s hardly instant. Unless you just jump up on stage and start blathering away. Skip the boring Toastmasters meetings and put your name down as a keynote speaker at the next conference you come across. Go out on a limb and try speaking on a topic you have no knowledge or expertise in whatsoever.

#6: Avoid Talking About Your Childhood

Psychologists, psychiatrists, psychotherapists and other so-called “experts” will tell you that your lack of self-confidence stems from some emotionally traumatic event in your childhood. They’ll rabbit on and on for 50 minutes an hour about how your unhealed emotional baggage keeps getting re-triggered and that’s why you keep repeating the same pattern over and over. Then they’ll tell you that you’re projecting your unacknowledged shadow side onto other people, and that others are just doing the same to you so you should stop taking rejection so personally. Thanks Dr Jung.

These quacks will even suggest that you stop avoiding your emotions, with the claim that this will heal you. Don’t they understand that there’s a reason why you’re avoiding your emotions in the first place? Don’t listen to them! Take the pills, drink alcohol or whatever; just stay away from those pesky emotions; especially the ones about your childhood.

#7: Tap Your Face

Instead, just tap your face. Preferably while saying out loud that you unconditionally love and accept yourself. Never mind the fact that you don’t love and accept yourself; your subconscious won’t know the difference. It’s too stupid to tell the difference between fantasy and reality. So are you if you still believe in instant confidence.

#8: Grab a Subliminal Hypno-Audio

Why waste hours reading books or in therapy when you can just do it all in your sleep? Be like Homer with the subliminal weight-loss tape; just make sure they ship you the confidence builder instead of the vocabulary builder, and you’re well on your way to instant confidence by the time you wake up in the morning.

#9: Can’t Think Of Number Nine

Don’t let that stop you! You’re almost there. By this stage you shouldn’t be letting a lack of confidence or creativity get in the way of you sharing your true gift of gullibility with the world. Or should that be true gift of self-expression? I’m sure not going to let it stop me. Never mind if you lack the skills, all you need is motivation: Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. Thanks Susan!

#10: Isn’t That Enough Already?

Do you really need ten steps, if any one of them could give you instant confidence? Given you’ve got this far, I’ve got this great bridge which is shaped kind of like a coat-hanger that I think you’d really love. 50% off if you buy today. And a friend of mine in Nigeria is doing a great deal on oil industry profits. Get it now before they sell out. Just get in touch with me and we can line something up.